The start of summer feels sad to me now. Though the light peaks today, seasons come and go so fast that solstice signals the imminent approach of darkness to me. Summer seems almost over just as it is beginning. What a gloomy perception! Whatever is wrong with me that rather than enjoying the light I am already dreading the dark to come? Not even the first bloom of our waterlily could shake this dreary feeling. Clearly something needs to change inside of me but how do I make that happen?
I am not sure how you do it! This water lily certainly
should help – it is beautiful – even has a baby
unless I am not seeing it correctly. Remember
you have had good news this week – Grayson is
home and well! Also you do have water again –
hopefully it will test okay on Mon. It is beautiful here today – our high is to be 79 and
it is sunny. The flowers are all beautiful and
reading the paper on the deck and having coffee
was wonderful. Unfortunately I have to do laundry
and work on my desk. I could stay on the deck
all day! love you lots
It is beautiful here too, and there are two water lilies blooms today. They are closed but will open when the sun gets on the water. The little white flower is actually from a different plant that helps to oxygenate the water (I can never remember its name). Steve ran me through all the reasons I had to be happy last night, trying to get me out of my funk. It didn’t really help, though a good night’s sleep seems to have improved my outlook on life. I feel better this morning.
Getting past Kristin’s farewell party tonight, and getting the house put back together this weekend, will no doubt help too. It’s hard living in chaos and messiness and that’s what we have been doing for two weeks now. It is time to put things back together!
Mom just sent me an email which made me ashamed I have allowed myself to wallow in depression when I have so much to be grateful for. Here is an excerpt from the email, by a family friend with a son living and dying from a brain tumor … a man younger than me, with a wife and two little girls. Perhaps reading it and re-reading it will help me keep perspective.
Oh Laura – Your post did resonate with me. The initial melancholy that tinges everything and then your pulling up short with the note from your mother. I’ve done a great deal of this the past year – whipsawing from dull depression to blessed gratitude for all that is right and good in my life. It’s just so hard being human. I hope summer finds a comfortable place in your heart where it may push back at those shadows we all experience from time to time. I’m so glad I didn’t come to your blog until you posted that Grayson was home again :0)