Although Martin Luther King Jr’s birthday does draw near, the title of this post is not related. Rather it refers to Charlie who, I like to believe, is once again free to run to his heart’s content. We had a hard night. It served to make our path more clear and this morning we drove Charlie to town and asked the emergency room vet to help him rest easy. Oddly, after calling the animal hospital, while talking to Steve about what they told me, Charlie lifted his head and looked at us, more alert than his recent usual. I said “Charlie, I know you hear us talking about this and now would be a good time to give us a sign what you want us to do.” Then he barked. Forcefully and repeatedly. It seemed a sign but of what? I tried giving him water. He declined, groaned and laid his head back down. Minutes later he barked his weaker bark, the one he’s been using to tell us he needs tending. I helped him up and opened the door to see if he wanted out. He did. He went down to the garden, peed and then laid down in the rain. He was very clear that this was where he wanted to be and he didn’t want to get up again. We didn’t make him. Instead we prepared to go. Steve carried him to the truck and into the hospital. When the vet administered the shot, there was hardly a change. His life force was so weak already, its leaving was almost imperceptible.
We drove home quietly. In tears.
It’s not quite noon but I think I just might get drunk.
Sorry, about Charlie! I know how much you both hurt and that makes me just want to cry
and wish I could at least hug you both! This
has been a down day here. It is beautiful and
dad has some photos he took to send to you. Neither of us has felt good today but dad did
teach his class at church and attend worship.
I did not go today! I will have to get used to
the new format. I don’t quite understand it yet. It amazes me that you can do all of it!
But I am glad that you can. I will start looking more often now that I know you are doing more on it. I do check very few days but
just don’t tell you usually. Just know I am thinking of you and looking forward to seeing
you soon. Love, Mom xoxoxo
I’m so sorry. It has been a rough year for your hearts. I wish I had something comforting to say that you haven’t said to me in times when I was dealing with the same heartbreaking decisions.
But Charlie is free to swim any stream, river or ocean he wants to now. Hopefully, he’ll hook up with Joey and together, they will roam at will without the confines of fences, angry neighbors, animal control and inattentive drivers.
Meanwhile, bury your face in Noche’s neck and have a good cry.
-Kim
Oh, my… what words can say what needs to reach those places in our hearts that ache for comfort? Not sure I can find the words but your Mom & Kim both express my thoughts & feelings. Tomorrow you will get a big, long hug. Such a hard thing. Such courage to do what is best for Charlie… Kim is so right.. there is Charlie joining Joey in a swim, romp & probably licking you from that spirit world that they are scampering in…. take care. And if you want to get drunk, girl, call me. I could use it, too. I may talk a lot about drinking but in reality, my bark is worse than my bite, to put it in fabulous dog context. Hugs & comfort to you. Kathy P.S. cigs have to be included in the drunk stage, ay?! Hugs!
The tears are running down the cheeks here. It was special for us to see Charlie so close to the end. I’m glad he followed us around that day we were there. We are also glad to have had some small part in your joy and enjoyment of Charlie. We have always been happy that you took one of our puppies into your home. You’ll get your hugs at the end of February.
I thought this new format offered more frequent updates. Just b/c you are out of town is no excuse!
Love you
I was searching for the poem “Openings” and was led to your web-site and the “giggle ferns” drew me into your touching, brave commentary. We said good-bye to both our dogs a month apart before the holidays. Your recounting of your beloved pet’s passing was so moving. Many of our friends just don’t understand the enormity of our loss and we grieve silently.
How proud you must be of your daughter. All good wishes for her safe return to her loving family. I thank her for her service.
Here in Ohio – only the lengthening days suggest an end to this long sad winter. I’ve never been to California, but your whimsical descriptions of newts and the arrival of spring makes me homesick for a place I’ve never been.
Thanks Cathy, for the lovely comments. Not only do we have a kinship in our grief, but I also know about long midwestern winters too, having grown up in Michigan and Indiana. If it makes you feel any better, it’s rainy and dreary here today in not-so-sunny California.
You’ve inspired me to find the poem that led me to your site. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.